Where am I?…
The above-referenced adjectives are hard to choose when I describe my own self. Am I out of place? Yes, I feel frequently so when I talk with others and find myself estranged from their subject matters that are uninteresting. Anachronistic? Yes, when I listen to what others say about their life patterns and their perspectives on trivia, relationships, facebooks, etc., etc…
In fact, I always feel uprooted to the time and place where I do not belong or I do not seem to find much comfortable to live. Such feeling of estrangement from the present has developed a certain kind of malaise in me, which is akin to perpetual melancholy.
I often ask myself where I should be. My peers seem to have already established themselves in their lives whether it is at home or at work; they are married with children, tending the family matters as homemakers or they are successful career women in terms of social strata outside the home. No wonder do I feel alienated from the group.
Is this all but an illusion?
I ask again myself. “Quo vadis?” Will I always be a stranger among these aggregates I encounter here at this time of my life? My true volition is to get a crystal ball that will show me the right avenue leading me to the right place in my life. Or seeing a chiromancer may fulfill my never-ending sense of premonition.
Or it might be that all these things that I talk about and feel are nothing but a Kafkasque dream; that all of the aforesaid and things I am writing down are not of a reality but of a very realistic illusion.
It’s a Litany of Saturday Night Melancholy. Thank you all for reading it.
Alone, alone, all all alone, Alone on a Wide, wide sea.”
-Samuel Taylor Coleridge