Flame, Glass and Ink are Poems, essays, and reading notes by Stefania Joori Suh

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  • ptompt 113 on morning rituals

    What are your morning rituals? What does the first hour of your day look like?

    The mornings are the busiest time in my daily life. It starts with fresh drops of liquid eye lubricant, followed by a simple morning prayer devoid of meaningless mechanical abracadabra. I am unsure if my letter of wish is delivered, but I think it is because otherwise, the whole world seems apocalyptically hopeless and lifeless.

    Then my eyes meet the eyes of my cats, Toro and Camille. I say, “Good morning,” and, “Let’s have a great day!” After that, each of them does his morning rituals: Toro goes out to the living room, and Camille wants to eat breakfast. Boy, is he a voracious eater! Although he is agile and lithe, Camille eats at least five times daily, contrary to Toro, who prefers snacks. I wish I could be like Camille, but then that’s Camile, and I am this.

    While my cats are doing their rituals, I clean their toilets and make sure the litter is fresh and ample. After that I begin my toiletries and dressing up. The last ritual is to make iced Americano and pour it into my favorite Starbucks tumbler that keeps iced coffee until I return home in the evening.

    Sometimes, I wish my morning to be more relaxed so I can start my work day more fresh and have time to ease my nerves. But what I am always amazed after I wake up in the morning is I am still alive. Otherwise, I may miss all these morning rituals.

  • prompt 112 on strategies

    What strategies do you use to cope with negative feelings?

    When I feel like I have plunged into the lowest abyss and hope is just a vain, dangerous illusion, I watch supernatural movies or funny comedy shows to channel the fear into scare or laughter.

    Fear because it will take me to the world of those who forget they are dead and wander around in this world. Laughter is what others self-prescribe for symptoms of dark spells, but it works in most cases, like excellent over-the-counter medications to relieve temporary pain. If these do not function effectively, I opt for a coloring book or decorate my journal with stickers and other ephemerals.

    However temporary the effects may be, engaging in those above surely helps me not to dwell in the pit of the most bottomless abyss and stay there for a long time.

  • Prompt 111 on TV Series

    What movies or TV series have you watched more than 5 times?

    I like movies or TV dramas with interesting characters known and unknown, modern and classic, and stories with universal themes that citizens of the world can associate with. That said, these are my all-time TV dramas I have watched more than 5 times:

    1. Jane Eyre (1983 BBC Miniseries) – This 1983 BBC miniseries of Jane Eyre always arrests my full attention to every scene of the episodes without the infelicity and pomposity that classical period dramas sometimes tend to produce on account of obsolete diction and rude gestures that look incongruously emphatic to our modern senses and sensibilities. It is a quaintly gorgeous drama without the ostentatious glamor of television drama exhibiting luminous Vanity Fair; it shows that just simple good scripts based on the loyal adaptation of the original novel and excellent performance of the fine cast that seems to be destined for the roles can translate the imaginative world of the author into the visual firmament of television drama this beautifully and realistically.

    Mosss (L) and Lewis (R)

    2. Inspector Moss – I first came to know Moss when I lived in a dorm during my college years. Inspector Moss is cranky, uptight, and stubborn, but he is wonderfully intelligent and surprisingly good-hearted when you come to know him. His sidekick, Sergent Lewis, is a perfect partner for his boss because of his mild manner and street-smart sense that complements Moss’s lack of touch with the real world. Each episode has characters we can see every day, and the stories are connected with dots and lines like a tessera put together by Moss aided by Lewis.

    My favorite travel show and dream destination

    3. Other travel-related YouTube programs – I love watching travel shows or travel stories on YouTube when I work from home or do not feel well to clear away the clouds in my mind. As John Steinbeck said, sometimes it’s better to experience the joy of seeing the world by book or any other visual aids than actual traveling because of the hectic schedules and pesky arrangements of lodging. I agree with him.

    For someone who gets easily bored with repeition, the aforesaid television dramas are worth watching repeats because they do not present overtly paid celebrities with freakilsy good looks or presposterous story lines that many people do not feel related.

  • prompt 110 on question

    What is one question you hate to be asked? Explain.

    A seemingly innocent question can be out of the question depending upon time and place. I have two such questions I hate being asked:

    1. How old are you? – I don’t see the importance of knowing one’s age unless I am in a doctor’s office. Oscar Wilde said a woman revealing her age will tell almost everything. I am not that woman, and I think age should not matter, especially for a woman’s nature to be beautiful.

    2. Can you do me a [big] favor? – The question itself is arbitrarily imposed upon the asked. How dare the other be! Why do I have to perform something that satisfies the id or ego of the other? It is a blatant expression of a market bargaining of human relationships.

    I am easily moved into tears when I see a person in need or watch sad movies. I also forgive people who broke my heart if they apologize to me or treat me nicely later – without asking for a [big] favor. So, the questions mentioned above trouble me extensively with pain, knowing that I have to answer them reluctantly against my true self.

  • prompt 109 from my autobiography

    You’re writing your autobiography. What’s your opening sentence?

    It could have been better. They should have known better. God should have been kinder. All this could have happened if I knew how to stop the wheel of fortune played blindfolded by the Sisters of the Fates, cheered and hooted by the spirits wandering between the worlds, not knowing they are long dead. So, how can it be solely my fault for the life I have lived without knowing about my life? How can you be so quick to label me as a negative loser harping on the unseen that no one wants to hear? My name is written on the water, and my spirit is flitting on the clouds in the azure sky, still longing for life because living is far better than dying. It could have been a beautiful life.

  • Prompt 108 on Job

    Do you enjoy your job?

    I am grateful for my job which provides me with a steady income and decent benefits. Moreover, I am proficient at my work. Similar to Earl of Kent in Shakespeare’s King Lear, I am qualified in what an ordinary person is capable of. And the best quality in me is diligence.

    The only thing I am not content with within my current job is the company culture dominated by the employees, my so-called colleagues who like to form cliques, their clubs of buddies and gals sharing the same linguistic background, which I call cultural and ethnic affinities. Never have I experienced such a shocking sense of isolation. It never occurred to me in New York City or even New Jersey, where I spent 30 years of my younger self. This clique mentality is a thing of the West, especially in Los Angeles, CA. It’s like being surrounded by high school or teenage students whose mental ages stopped growing. Maybe I am getting old, but as a person of keen observation, it is a new type of discrimination. You are unwelcome in their circle if you are quiet and look very different. They will not even bother saying hello or hi and not even include you as an existing human being.

    When I was on the East Coast, where the history of cities is longer and the culture more civilized and cosmopolitan, such estrangement was hardly felt. But then, I can’t complain about my current job as long as it provides me with a livelihood to support my elderly mother, two cats, and my aging self. If the people at my work were kind, friendly, and mature, my current job would be the kind of business I love. I would rise and go to it with delight. But beggars can be choosers.