What’s the thing you’re most scared to do? What would it take to get you to do it?
Illustration from Google
I’d be the one who is scared of the stars falling from the sky and the sky ceiling collapsing on the earth. I am also afraid of losing eyesight overnight if my eyes are not adequately moisturized as instucted by my ophatomologist. And what if I take a plane that will crash? Most of all, what if the world I am in now is a make-belive world, something similar to one of the Backrooms? Will all my fearsome misgivings materialize because the curse is not lifted? Are my present fears are indeed less than horrible imagings? These are my litany of fears, full of sound and fury, trying to make sense of them – in vain.
I get irritated when things are not going the way they should, so the litany of complaints is as follows:
I can’t find what I want to wear– My closet is so tiny that all my clothes are crammed together, making it difficult to see my choice of clothese to wear. It happens constantly, so I must prepare my wardrobe for work at night to avoid the hassle in the morning. The closet has more than clothing because it is also used as a multi-storage room for everything from the food for my cats and parakeet to a set of Christmas decorations to miniature dollhouse articles. Searching for what to wear is like finding a Nemo.
The buses are not coming, and I am waiting forever… – I commute to and fro work and home by bus, which used to run on time until last month. But now is a morning ordeal. Either I have to get up earlier than now or leave home late. Either way, I am not late for work, but it’s troubling my yearning for a calm morning. What with attending to Mom’s healthcare attention and tending to the morning needs of my cats, fish, and parakeet, my morning is never in the doldrums.
I hate when people do not listen to me or ignore my presence– There is nothing more disheartening than being treated as if I were invisible. For example, when you say hi to everyone but me, I will be very shocked, vexed, and disheartened through a process similar to Kubla Ross’s five stages of dying. I will be more in sorrow than in anger if I am ignored.
So these situations prompt me to burst into complaints, but my complaints usually dissipate into the echo of the air no one hears.
Some indulge in drinking, some gaming, but mine is binge-watching supernatural/suspense movies when I am under dark spells. Hence this past weekend, I wallowed in the below visceral world of make-believe with my cats as guardians perched next to me on both sides like Odin’s two crows, Memory and Thought.
Vivarium (2019): This is one of the most surreal movies I have seen. Some classify this movie as Si-fi, but it is Horror because it has no hope of escaping from the cycle of repetition with no end to the movie’s end. The young couple’s hopes of finding a new home could be this sinful. I am only asking because the movie’s central theme stems from the globally realistic issue of housing problems in the context of planning and paying. And the question of conformity dominates throughout the movie. Readers familiar with the YouTube sensation of the Backroom series will find a kind of deja vu phenomenon while watching this, but this is scarier because it happens to good people.
The New Daughter (2009): Kevin Costner plays an affectionate father who wants to bring up his two young children to the best he can as a newly divorced father. It’s refreshing to watch such a movie that portrays a loving single father caring for his children when most movies show only single mothers struggling – of course, loving, with their circumstances. Although the film does not feature my favorite ghostly characters who are purely spiritual, it can be forgiven for the sinister consequences that show no mercy to good people.
Half Light (2008) – Demi Moore is a novelist in this movie who can’t get over the death of her beloved young son. She blames herself for him to drown to death while she is writing her new novel. The guilt-ridden mother retreats to a coastal village in Scotland, where she experiences supernatural phenomena so tangibly that it all seems too visceral to accept because of the preponderance of the awe. The lighthouse on a deserted island within such a small coastal village serves as a beacon of her spiritual guide, or could it be an alarm for the impending danger? But one thing is confident that the living must let go of the dead because once the soul leaves the body, then the soul belongs to no one, not even in the streams of love’s salty fires. If you really love them, set the departed free.
Stephen King, whose name befits the sobriquet of King of Horror, once said that fiction is the mirror image of reality, sort of an alter ego of the real world. Horror reflects fear that hopes are only a vanity of imagination or, as Thucydides says, a dangerous daydreaming made of bodacious hubris. What if what we think of or see as real is not real but only the likeness of truth? That is Horror, which is all reflected in these movies.
If I won the lottery, the first thing I would do is pay off all my dues in one fell swoop, just like Alexander the Great cutting the Gordian Knot with his sword in one fell swoop.
Once debt-free, then I would fix my teeth with braces. Orthodontists and dentists make fortunes because, most of the time, dental insurance does not cover the expenses entirely. That is why people do not visit them as often as they should. The ancestors of the professionals were barbers, butchers, and even cooks before the middle-class professionals replaced the aristocracy and became the new ruling class after the French Revolution. It is not to demean dentistry and its professionals out of malice. Still, the medical professionals, except for physicians who did not deal with the blood and pusses from the fleshes, were not regarded as highly as they are now. Today’s exorbitant medical and dental expenses are the pride and prestige of the coveted class status.
Finally, with the rest of the money, I will buy either a unit of an apartment with a commanding view or a townhouse with a nice little backyard well guarded by a security system somewhere in northern California, Oxnard, or Northridge. If the money’s still left, then I would use it to keep up my appearance and to go to Capri and Positano in Italy for holidays with my cats, Toro and Camille.
My choice of books is nonfiction, preferably history, particularly about ancient civilizations. Also, I read books about psychology and memoirs of people selected based on their philosophy and characters I find relatedly interesting. A few fiction may claim the places on my list if they are short stories or stories about relatable characters.
That said, the following is a list of my immediate books to read:
The Mystery Guest by Nita Prose – This is my second book of Prose. Her characters are so down to earth with real jobs. She makes the invisible visible. I mean how many books are written about a hotel maid solving a mystery unexpectedely?
The Greeks by Philip Matyszak – I am reading it now.
Lost Cities of the Ancient World by Philip Matyszak – I enjoy Matyszak’s history books. He draws on sscholarly knowledge with his trademark witticism, which is very entertaining and informative.
The Storyteller by Dave Grohl – When I heard it first, I thought it would be a fashionable memoir of yet another millionaire celebrity. But I changed my mind when I read his letter published elsewhere. He seems like a good writer.
My first choice is The Mystery Guest, which I borrowed from a public library this week. Then I will finish reading The Greeks, which I am in the middle of reading. I habitually read books from one to another, depending on my mood. I should curtail watching YouTube the so that I can finish my books. But when I am home from work or on weekend, I watch aviation or travel contents from YouTube for refreshment because as I mentioned in my previous prompt, reading is studying using the faculty of mind to chew and digest it to be nourished.
But this is not to say I am a luddite for YouTube, which is also an effective medium for transmitting knowledge of the world. A balanced acquisition of knowledge via optical illumination and linguistic stimulation is what I should do. I just have to make it a habit, as Artistotle said a repetition can make a strong result.
What do you enjoy doing most in your leisure time?
When I feel like having a perfect leisure time, wallowing in the luxury of permitted laziness from duties at work and home, I am a willing couch potato with my cats on each side of me, perching luxuriously just like ancient Roman patricians, watching movies I like.
My choice of movies is preferential to supernatural scares. I will not use the term “Horror Movies” because most are not supernatural but gory and macabre with too much blood. When stressed or annoyed, I watch supernatural movies, preferably based on actual events – or so they say – and willingly lose myself in them. Maybe it’s this temporary forgetfulness of the present worries that act like analgesics to numb my tired nerves. Or perhaps I am just drawn to the netherworld. Who knows, I am a closet sybyil or oracle yet to be awakened? But, no psychic or panaronamal investigator, please.
My cats seem to have no problems with my predilection for the supernatural because they are not afraid of ghosts, as cats are supernatural by themselves. They protect me from nightmares, goblins, vampires, and all the scary regulars from the dungeons and dunes.
Flame, Glass and Ink are Poems, essays, and reading notes by Stefania Joori Suh 
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