Some people who are academically brilliant or well-read are gauche in social interactions. And this betrays our general presumption that cognitive intellectual ability (“IQ”) corresponds to social skills that are essential to achieve success in career and/or relationships. It simply isn’t the case, unfortunately. IQ and EQ are two separate entities that work differently. I will tell you the epitome of what EQ is.
Emotional Intelligence or Emotional Quotient (“EQ”) is a faculty of recognizing, comprehending, and making decisions on how we think, feel, and act. It plays a vital role in shaping our interactions with others as well as our understanding of ourselves. EQ defines (1) how and what we learn; (2) allows us to set priorities; and (3) determines the majority of our daily actions. In fact, research hints us that the higher EQ is, the more successful one becomes.
In Emotional Intelligence: 30 Days to Higher Emotional Intelligence by Bob Smart (what a great perspicuous name it is!), the study of EQ can be traced back to the work of Charles Darwin who postulated that EQ was critical for survival. So the study of EQ has already been in progress, which asserts that it is not some fad theory to be regarded lightly.
Basically, what you need to improve your EQ is self-control and self-confidence. Smart in the book avers that it is vital that we should have solid self-confidence to guard ourselves against any disastrous social relationships that will lead us to our own unhappy ending in life. So in order not to be subject to such miserable consequences, the author advises us that we should be our own governors of our acts, not the subject of the act done by others.
To illustrate, we should say something like the following:
- I’m angry.
- I’m upset.
- I’m belittled.
Do you get it? Instead of someone makes me feel the above-mentioned, it is “I” who feel that way. True that it was someone who made you feel negative, but it is you who are responsible for all the things that might happen next. That is, it you take “conscientious” ownership of your feelings and emotions, you will find yourself left with options to choose all of sudden. It will be YOU who will be the one in control and not at the mercy of OTHERS. This change of thinking will empower you to control your emotions and feelings, so that you will know what to say or do next to your own advantage. Thus your enslavement to others acts will be obviated. You are Sui Juris of your own feelings, emotions, and actions. Indeed so.
It is a simple but challenging thing to change your mode of thinking that has been conditioned until now. But at least, you can try it. Just give it a go for just 30 days or even longer with consistency, and see how it works. It may not be changed overnight for sure, just as Rome wasn’t built for a day. Nevertheless, I will be an Olympic torch carrier for this mind game because I myself need to revitalize my mind and spirit in development of EQ for betterment. Does anyone want to join me?
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