Flame, Glass and Ink are Poems, essays, and reading notes by Stefania Joori Suh

Category: Miscellany

Anything that’s on my mind.

  • Two Fellows – Part I

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    So there he was. You could always find him there at the same time, at the same place regardless of a change of four seasons, like it was his duty to do. Looking over the fence smartly seated on a rock on one balmy afternoon, Toto was calm and steady. His big brown eyes full of yearnings and visions glanced at the dancing leaves on the quince tree outside the fence where there were only a few fruits left because Grandma, being of generous and affable nature, had given the well ripe ones to the neighbors. However, such intermittently displayed quinces surrounded by the abundant leaves appealed to Toto’s inquisitive eyes: the way the leaves swayed to the tune of the breeze was a part of the nature’s orchestra that stimulated all of his senses, which ultimately led him to the outburst of his exhilaration in long howling like a wolf pup in the wild.

    Toto was a Jindo mix, aged 9 weeks or so. Toto came to Joe’s home on a cold winter afternoon a year ago with Pa who brought him in his jacket. He was a white puppy looking healthy but a bit apprehensive about the new surrounding. But mind you that there was no sign of fear in his eyes but intelligence. Joe named him Toto after a legendary dog in Korea who returned to his owner, an old woman who had given the dog to her nephew in a city miles away from her home in Jindo. So he wanted to have a dog whose faithfulness and loyalty would be equivalent of those of the legendary namesake. Joe wanted to keep his new puppy till the end of the world because he had lost Lana, a Samoyed mix puppy of 9 weeks old, to distemper 2 years ago. This time, Joe thought, would be the last time to let such thing happen to him and the dog. It was his new bound duty, a duty that suddenly appeared sacred and fateful to his destiny. Boy as he was, Joe was resolute in his new pledge to the life and protection of Toto as his guardian. Looking at Toto who was napping beside him on the rock by the quince tree, Joe could hear the whisper of the breeze that blessed his guardianship and fellowship of the human and the canine. What a nice afternoon it was to both the boy and the dog.

    “Joe, can you come here quickly?” It was Joe’s sister Judy. She was 16 years old, 2 years senior to him. Judy also loved Toto and dogs, although her favorite breeds were Labs, Border Collies, Shiba Inus, and Bichon Frises. She had been secretly entertained having a Bichon Frise until Pa brought Toto home. She had a soft spot for this particular breed since she had read about a homeless elderly man who sailed through the tribulations with his Bichon Frise dog named Willow; the image of the small, curly haired dog with large soulful eyes in the arms of the man still lingered in her mind. But it’s not that she did not lie their Toto. Toto was their another sibling, the youngest brother whom Ma had lost by miscarriage 6 years ago. Judy’s love of Toto was not to be confused with anthropomorphism because she loved Toto the way he was, the way Toto was the closest natural wonder. He was Judy and Joe’s guide to the natural world like Virgil to Dante in his journey to Hell, Purgatory, and Paradise. Through Toto, Judy and Joe could see the wonder of Nature in which all creatures existed and made the human existence all the more conspicuous by appreciating the pristine beauty which was to be beheld in the eyes of the innocent.

     

  • Eating makes a difference.

    Balancing out calories is not a smart option unless you balance out hormones too. Especially when trying to get rid of stubborn inner thigh fat.

    Source: Get rid of inner thigh fat with these foods

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    I have been trying hard to keep myself in shape both by dieting and exercising for almost 10 years. Dieting is in fact a way of life, not a fad eating habit according to the etymology of the word derived from the Greek word diata. My diet is to forego dinner and be a lacto-ovo vegetarian. Having been in the military also helps me to incorporate in my dietary regime working out at gym at least 5 days a week in the morning before going to work. Thanks much to my religious efforts, I still fit into size 2 clothing and maintain a slim physique. However, like most of my women comrades all over the world, I am concerned about possibilities of having a loose skin, especially in the lower body part as time goes by.

    It is said that the key to a having thin lower body – i.e., thin thighs with a thigh gap and shapely toned legs – results not only from squats and lunges and running but also from what we eat due to our feminine hormones. Women have more percentage of fat receptive cells in the lower body than our better halves who have more fat dissolving cells therein. That is why we see many men with skinny legs. (Well, some of them have legs like chickens’…) So what’s the solution of making your thighs and legs gracefully thin or as thin as you expect them to be? In my case, it’s the food that does wonders.

    Healthy-EatingIt’s the carbs. Carbs are the worst enemy for me to put some of those unwanted, pesky, subcutaneous residual of fat on the inner and outer thighs. Of course, fats also play a pivotal role in cooperating the corpulent procedure. However, in my case carbs are/were the main villain because despite the rigorous exercises at the gym, the villain would not be killed without being forever barred from entering my body. Accordingly, I made a conscious research on the subject, and I found the above link which was a great help. The kinds of food that I have abnegated since are as follows:

    • Sugar (Yeah, that’s right. Being a sweet tooth, it was hard to give up eating gummy worms and gummy fruit snacks.) Any refined sugar, that is any “manufactured” sugar is harmful.
    • Cereals, Cereal bars (Surprised? These include Kellogg’s K series, as well.)
    • Wheat (Bread, Pasta, Biscuits, and Pastry)
    • Crisps
    • Chocolate and Confectionery (All kinds of candy!); and
    • Juices

    In fact, all of the above are not new to those of us women who try to slim down or maintain our already thin physique. But it is always better safe than sorry to avoid all these kinds of food to ensure our disciplinary action on keeping in shape. For example, after 1 week of getting rid of Haribo fruit gummies and Welch’s fruit snacks that claim to have No Fat on the packages, plus low-fat chips and biscuits, my thighs began to be small. In addition to the denunciation of the junk food, I incorporated in my dieting intermittent fasting and calisthenic lower body workouts, such as squats, lunges, and modified push-ups combined with 30 minutes of running on a treadmill and 10 minutes of stair master that boosted up the effects.

    aplessI am marveled at the effects of abnegating all the aforesaid food in a relatively short period of time. So, it was the food, the carbs that resisted going away from my thighs. Now I eat only fruits, mainly apples (my favorite is Gala, but if there is none, I go for Red Delicious.), cubes of watermelon, peaches, or plums. But it’s not that I COMPLETELY forbid any kind of carb because being an Asian I eat a bowl of steamed white rice once in a week when I am off from work. Nevertheless, having sworn of the above-listed junk food was a tour de force of losing more weight and thus slimming down my lower body.

    Therefore, my dear Reader, if you are a kindred spirit, you are kindly directed to click on the above link to read more in-depth article about the topic. Remember, what you eat contributes more to what your body looks like than how much you exercise at gym. Do you know what Ralph Waldo Emerson once said?  “A man is what he thinks about all day long.” Likewise, be mindful of what you put into your body because you are what you eat and because what’s more, “you are worth it!”

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  • About a livelihood

    Have you mulling over what you’re doing for living? This kind of question does sound banal and trifle, since you don’t have to necessarily “like” your job but to maintain your livelihood. However, you cannot help asking you such question when you face the existential horrors in your daily life relating to what you do and whom you encounter or deal with at work. Maybe you are okay to bear it and just grin. But I know there are people who are born with “Supra-perceptiveness” can’t just do so.

    It seems that what determines the course of human affairs is never really intelligence or talent; it’s the feelings of good and bad that really make things change. Also, physical attractiveness counts. As long as you are under the aegis of your boss, you are exempt from punishments and immune from termination. And if you happen to be a beautiful/pretty young woman and get along well with your boss and/or your co-workers, the chances are you will be protected from any kind of misfortune you can think of in your employment.

    What is incredible is that some people get away with their follies without getting noticed. I will call it a flair of sociability. If you are one of a clique because you laugh with them together at however humorless it may be, because you speak the same language with familiar culture and appearance, and because you are just very attractive-looking, you will be immune from being sacked. In sum, you ARE one of them, and they will shield you from all possible harms like a family. Like the Mafia.

    Somerset Maugham once said, “The more intelligent a man is, the more capable is he of suffering.” Rightly so. Maybe we should not think deeply about the buffoonery of our co-workers. Maybe we should just be past caring about all the emotional commotions arising from observing such meritocratic tendencies based upon irrational standards at work. Because wearing a poker face will be your saving grace to keep your weary soul guarded in public. Grinning on the outside, grimacing on the inside. Comedy and Tragedy. What a farce.

     

     

     

     

  • Boredom and Trouble

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    Hello to a new year. I started this first day of 2016 with a morning mass at St. Mary’s Church to celebrate the feast day of Mary, Mother of God, to whom the faithful have recourse. So I did not squander today with inactivities, albeit I skipped going to a gym. On the pretext of having a recovery day of my regular 5-day-workout regime at the gym, I opted for reading a book in peace and quiet. The first day of a new year has always been an occasion on which new gym-comers occupy all the treadmills and elliptical machines in eager expectations of shedding dozens of pound, trying to keep their new year’s resolutions. From my empirical observation, all those new faces sweating at the gym will slowly fade away in a couple of months. It’s a new year phenomenon; working out is indeed akin to a Herculean task.

    I have been feeling exhausted and lethargic since this afternoon – or the beginning of the winter. Hence the negation of my lame excuse of not doing exercises at the gym as aforesaid… I presume the cause of these unfavorable feelings is the change of time and season that has started and developed since the end of the summer time. The weather and season do affect your mind and body, or play a vital of inducing psychosomatic symptoms. Which consequently leads us to see such psychological influence on our somatic existence in the relevant philosophical spectrum.

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    Like this canine friend, we hesitate our attempts to leap forward.

    Schopenhauer has been known to complain that human life dangles between trouble and boredom. In fact, both cumbersome existential dilemmas have their profound meanings and purposes. Boredom is a continual reminder that it results from Inactivity. But activity does not exist for the purpose of our escaping boredom; to be precise, boredom exists in order that we will escape inactivity and ultimately actualize our own unique, singular ends. The struggle of life, microscopic or macroscopic, between these feelings of trouble and boredom keeps us in “suspense” because it will let us fulfill the demands placed upon our daily tasks however banal or simple they may seem.

    With respect to the meaning of Trouble, it is also a good reminder that it stimulates positive sparks on our otherwise apathetic, lukewarm mental state, which is a psychic rigor mortis. So long as we suffer, we remain psychically alive and mentally alert. Therefore, it’s not a platitude that suffering makes us mature and wise in experience, richer and stronger in spirituality.

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    Further, Higher, and Wider.

    In light of the above, lethargy or just plain laziness will be a both somatic/psychic indicator that tells you that it has a high time you bolstered up yourself with clear set of principles that guide you to self-actualization in a discovery of what life expects you to do in your time on earth. And it begins not with a grandiose ritual but with a simple but dutiful performance of daily tasks. So as the first day is reaching the dying of the night, I wish my Readers a happy new year with a full portion of health and success in whatever you Readers hope to achieve in this brand new year with God’s blessings.

  • About Me: Why I Blog.

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    Dear Readers,

    Hi there. Thank you for stopping by my blog. It’s always pleasure communicating with people through writing, which I believe is the most authentic vehicle of expression of a self. Not that did I major in English at Rutgers University (a Scarlet Knight) with a sense of duty to exercise the field of study but that I like reading and writing prompted me to publish my thinkings in this blog. So Welcome All with my Whole Heart.

    My name is Stephanie, living in a suburban New Jersey town in the vicinity of the New York City. I work in the City for livelihood and write at home (or sometimes on the Second Floor in a Dunkin’ Donuts’ shop nearby my workplace) for selfhood. The great psychologist and thinker Viktor E. Frankl, who is also the founder of Logotheraphy has urged us that we humans must strive for realizing our values that are: Creative Value, Experiential Value, and Attitudinal Value in order to arrive at meanings of our lives. How true the maxim it is! I believe those who write are united spiritually in fulfilling such noble deeds. We are kindred spirits.

    I may not write perfect English prose due to English being my Second – surrogate, that is – language. I may not sound ordinary in the sense that my writing speaks with certain streaks of foreignness. Nevertheless, it is my quest for actualizing what I possess inside, Something that is yearned for its being unearthed by means of literary expression. And I have to purge it out, unravel the mystery in me that is dying for the discovery of the truth in me.

    Hence this little blog has come into being; it is the birth of my brain child, or rather the manifested ego qua meaningfulness as in terms of Logotheraphy. So many thanks again for your readership, which is also meaningful to me.

    Merry Christmas and God Bless Your Hearts.

    All the Best,

    Stephanie S.

     

  • I write.

    oHere I am at the end of the first day of a new week. Upon just returning from working on the evening shift at school in the City, I should go to bed instead of writing this post to rest my weary soul coping with daily rituals of emotional ebbs and flows. Yet this is the best time of me to purge out all my angst, fears, and insecurities I am possessed by; the best time because I can walk out of all my daily duties as an administrative assistant at work, as an eldest daughter of my parents at home, and any other status as a functional member of society. This is my time, mine, and mine only to express myself freely without supervision. So here I am, writing.

    I like writing: Poetry, essay, letter, email, and notes – in English. Since English is not a primary language I did not pick up from the infancy to the adolescence, I still have to work hard thereon to make my writing perspicuous for telling the world what I mean to say. The grammar may not seem flawless in my writing, but I have got ideas that few can think of. No, this is not a pretentious glib, nor is this a simulation of writer’s confidence in the English language. Yes, I’ve got it for sure.

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    I have recently bought Stephen King’s On Writing from Amazon.com, and this is a magnificent book! I had never enjoyed any book by American writers until I found this book! It’s a bit hasty to talk about my review of the book at this point because I am still reading it, but King is truly original and ingenious in divulging his biographic tales of how he came to write in his childhood; of how he overcame his dypsomania and drug addiction; and of how he arrived as a successful writer in order to help us write well. I shall return to the subject of his book and the review thereof in another posting later, but the most vivid advice from King registered in my mind is that it is not how many vocabularies I know but how well I use the vocabularies that I have already acquired. This is truly an Eureka moment. King’s advice is worth a million. And this has become my axiom for writing since this day.

    And I will not be afraid of writing in English any longer in fear of receiving criticism on some grammatical errors because the purpose of my writing is to tell stories, to entertain ideas/feelings that people can connect with, not to wow English teachers/professors/grammarians/conservatives who may disparage a foreigner’s (especially of East Asian ethnicity) English writing skills.

    Thus wrote Stephanie S. I write, therefore I am.