Describe one positive change you have made in your life.
Recently, I have established a habit of going to a coffee shop after work instead of going directly home.
They say when you return from a funeral, you should not go straight home but have some time at a crowded place so the soul of the dead or another spiteful spirit will come and follow you home. Whether or not it is legitimately true, there is a point in doing so as a ritual of getting rid of negative influences from outside to home. In like manner, I have begun spending time at coffee shops, preferably and usually at a nearby Starbucks, after work. I sit there alone. Yet, I am also surrounded by people who are also alone. It gives me a sense of belonging and comfort. I read and write with iced tea, which is refreshingly relaxing.
After a purification ritual for about an hour, I return home, where my cats, Toro and Camille, are waiting. They are only pleased to see me because it’s their dinner time, but whatever the reason, it feels good to be greeted and missed.
If I am a miraculous survivor of a plane crash or a sunken ship on an uncharted island, I will not become a mad woman with these books to read repeatedly.
1. Jane Eyre by Charlott Bronte – Since I first read it when I was thirteen, I have always found a kindred spirit in this classic but timeless book. As Ben Jonson called his rival and friend William Shakespeare not a man of the time, but a man of all seasons, Jane Eyre is a classic in the sense that it was fabulous in her time as it is in my time. Unlike Jane Austen’s characters, who are more vibrant and energetic with dashing young men and society, Charlotte’s characters are somber outside but passionate inside, like a condensed energy blasting, untamed, powerful, and beautiful penetrating the heart of the readers and lingering in mind changing the colors with forever lusciousness. Jane Eyre may not be Botticelli’s Venus or a Helen whose face launched a thousand ships, but her subdued beauty withstands the change of seasons and doesn’t stale.
2. Ancient Magik and other books by Philip Matyszak – I love ancient history before Christ because the world was packed with pagan gods, goddesses, and spirits. But to solely focus on occultism is not my cup of tea, as I wouldn’t say I like the precarious approach and perception of things supernatural as if it were a domain of young adults or teenagers. Matyszak, an eminent ancient historian who is deeply conversant with the ancient magik elements from Love Spells to Drawing the Moon to summoning the dead from the Underworld, fits my taste for historical accounts of supernatural practices prevalent in the ancient world from East to West, north to south. His wealth of knowledge draws on extensive reading and impressive research, but he wears it with general readers in mind in wit. So much so that he reminds me of Herodotus, the father of history as we know it now in individual account narratives. With Matyszak’s books, I can quickly and willingly find myself lost in the misty past in one fell swoop.
You may think I am a classic reader, but I also read books written in our time like magazines, which I do not read more than once. So the above-listed books are my favorite all-time books, like a cup of hot oolong tea that I always seek as my comfort drink, never out of fashion.
What strategies do you use to cope with negative feelings?
When I feel like I have plunged into the lowest abyss and hope is just a vain, dangerous illusion, I watch supernatural movies or funny comedy shows to channel the fear into scare or laughter.
Fear because it will take me to the world of those who forget they are dead and wander around in this world. Laughter is what others self-prescribe for symptoms of dark spells, but it works in most cases, like excellent over-the-counter medications to relieve temporary pain. If these do not function effectively, I opt for a coloring book or decorate my journal with stickers and other ephemerals.
However temporary the effects may be, engaging in those above surely helps me not to dwell in the pit of the most bottomless abyss and stay there for a long time.
What is one question you hate to be asked? Explain.
A seemingly innocent question can be out of the question depending upon time and place. I have two such questions I hate being asked:
1. How old are you? – I don’t see the importance of knowing one’s age unless I am in a doctor’s office. Oscar Wilde said a woman revealing her age will tell almost everything. I am not that woman, and I think age should not matter, especially for a woman’s nature to be beautiful.
2. Can you do me a [big] favor? – The question itself is arbitrarily imposed upon the asked. How dare the other be! Why do I have to perform something that satisfies the id or ego of the other? It is a blatant expression of a market bargaining of human relationships.
I am easily moved into tears when I see a person in need or watch sad movies. I also forgive people who broke my heart if they apologize to me or treat me nicely later – without asking for a [big] favor. So, the questions mentioned above trouble me extensively with pain, knowing that I have to answer them reluctantly against my true self.
You’re writing your autobiography. What’s your opening sentence?
It could have been better. They should have known better. God should have been kinder. All this could have happened if I knew how to stop the wheel of fortune played blindfolded by the Sisters of the Fates, cheered and hooted by the spirits wandering between the worlds, not knowing they are long dead. So, how can it be solely my fault for the life I have lived without knowing about my life? How can you be so quick to label me as a negative loser harping on the unseen that no one wants to hear? My name is written on the water, and my spirit is flitting on the clouds in the azure sky, still longing for life because living is far better than dying. It could have been a beautiful life.
Breaking the law springs up a grim faced judge with a wig with a gavel prone to sentence: “Death by hanging.” But no one is immaculately clean, and to err is a human. I broke the following laws, but I am not a hypocrite, as supported by Robert Frost: “Far more violence has been done in obeying the law than in breaking the law.”
1. Diatary Law – I enacted this law on the first day of 2024 to return to the disciplined dieting I used to keep five years ago. I broke the sections of eating after 6:00 pm, indulging in carb-enriched food articles at home, and consuming a load of junk food. Now that my doctor has ordered me to lose weight until a follow-up visit in three months, I shall abide by the law in full force and effect.
2. Law of Affirmation – I have violated all of the sections of the law: Imagination, Visualization, and Manifestation, all of which unintentionally – and intentionally. It is unintentional because when things do not go well as I expect them to or life seems unkind to me, my eyes become blind, my ears mute, and my head blank. I become comatose, thus violating the law. Intentional in the sense that when I am lost of all, including the will to live, the law seems needless, just as I am not here.
The consequences of the violation come not in they do a single spy but in a battalion. Health risks, such as high cholesterol and diabetes, may be foreseeable. Mental health will be put in critical care if they do not adhere to the above laws. Give me a month as a corrective period, and I will reinvent myself.
Flame, Glass and Ink are Poems, essays, and reading notes by Stefania Joori Suh 
You must be logged in to post a comment.