Flame, Glass and Ink are Poems, essays, and reading notes by Stefania Joori Suh

Tag: writer

  • Prompt 71

    What could you do differently?

    Plane Dreaming is now planespotting. Image Credit by Me🤓

    “If” is such a big word with such a short syllable. There’s even a book titled What If, packed with hypothetical answers to scientific questions. In my Book of Life, these are my what-ifs.

    I could have continued to pursue a flight attendant career shortly after graduating from college. I once applied for a position with United Airlines in college. I made it to the open interview, where only two people were selected. I took it as a sign of not calling it a vocation, so I decided not to pursue my childhood dream. But my inborn wanderlust calls me to the vision of being a flight attendant working skybound, traveling, and meeting people worldwide.

    I could have acted differently when my team manager told me last Thursday that she would soon leave the firm this month. She was one of a few commendable supervisors/managers I have worked with. She asked me if I could work with her at her new firm. Ecstatically, I said “Yes!” because I felt insecure about my future after her departure. Being a neurodivergent, I can thrive under a patient and understanding person. My current team manager is a neurotypical supervisor who lets me work independently and contribute to the best of my abilities. While I was grateful for her kind gesture of inviting me to join her at her new firm, I should not have expressed my acceptance forthwith lest I should burden her with the weight of responsibility carried to her new place. I could have acted professionally courteously and instead congratulated her on her new future, not giving her the impression of latching on to her.

    There’s no use cryng over spilled milk, and I feel like the sorry milkmaid. Foolhardy maybe, foolish not. I could become more mature, now that I have reached the second stage of my life. But I don’t want to be harsh on myself for not being what my parents and brother and some people think I should be. Earth moves around Sun, and the Sun comes up from the east and goes down in the west. Not to acknowledge the nature of things is to ask for trouble. Likewise, I don’t want to pine for things I regret not having done or being the way I want, for life is too short to hold my what-ifs in the chapters of my life.

  • prompt 70

    If you had a freeway billboard, what would it say?

    Made by Me 🌻

    Life is an alternative cause between hope and despair, joy and sadness, and gain and loss, as gallantly depicted in Verdi’s La Traviata.

    I made the above billboard to serve as my logo for the new stage of my life this year. I hope to maintain it as a narrative for the rest of my life.

    In participation of creative experience, I shall rekindle the love of writing; however bad or good it may be, to leave my legacy of existence that I exist in the actualization of who I am, lest my life should vanish in the dust of the wind, like Lucy Maud Montgomery, who disciplined herself to devote herself in writing every day at the desk even if she didn’t felt like doing it. After all, didn’t Aristotle say we are what we repeatedly do, and excellence is not an act but a habit?

  • prompt 67

    What colleges have you attended?

    Those were my green salad days on the following Sylvan campuses with pleasantness on memory lanes.

    Bergen Community College in Paramus, New Jersey– It was more of a preparatory school for me to prepare for a four-year university. English is my second language (“ESL”) – and the most beloved-and the college had an excellent ESL program equivalent for TOFEL or CELT. I was enrolled in an Honor Program, which helped me to transfer to the higher-level of university.

    Rutgers University, New Brunswick, New Jersey – I lived in the dorm and loved everything about the school. My major was English, so you can guess my initial intimidation of the subject as an ESL competing with native speakers. But I was on a Dean’s List in my senior year, and I am very proud of it. I loved reading Renaissance and Victorian literature classes in their original forms, which were exhilarating. I joined Army ROTC as a student cadet and the NJ Army National Guard at Rutgers. I also joined the Color Guard and Scabbard & Blade, a military honor society. I was a very active student and miss those days.

    New York University, New York, New York – While working as a legal secretary at Dorsey & Witney in New York, I attended evening classes for a certificate in Paralegal Studies at NYU. The instructors were all practicing NYC lawyers passionate about sharing their practical knowledge with us. I graduated from the six-month program with good grades, and it was an enriching experience.

    Looking back under ever foreign palm trees in California, I miss the east coast where all my college years and my prime times are buried.

  • prompt 65

    What are your biggest challenges?

    I find today’s prompt topic, compared to what I am experiencing, seems too pat that it gave an extra fillip. The challenges I have to tackle are lifelong, and I haven’t even half succeeded. I don’t know if you want to read this litany of woes, but if you do, I will appreciate your kind soul because writing this post will be my logotherapy for the broken heart and wounded soul.

    I have zero tolerance for incivility and any offenses that others regard as insignificant because I take it as a disrespect of my existence. In the office, the majority of them speak Spanish even if they were born here in the States. I am the only Asian, and more particularly Korean, so they always treat me as if I were invisible. They may act politically correct or pretend not to exclude me, even if I try to be as friendly as possible and am always courteous, offering help they don’t appreciate. So I resign to aloneness and hopelessness in the crowds, withdrawing myself from their circle of sociability. How would you feel when everyone says hi to each other but you when they know you are there? Doesn’t My Life Also Matter?

    My other challenge is to be too soft-hearted, growing no apples of wrath for those who hurt me with acrid remarks and unkind gestures. Although my furies will arise from slumber when provoked, if the instigators show moments of human weakness or even an instant ray of warmth or kindness, they will retreat with steps back until they return to Valhalla.

    This morning’s episode was an excellent example of this topic. After a morning mass for the Solemnity of the Blessed Virgin Mary, there was a communal breakfast prepared by the church ladies. I stood in a line to bring food for my mom, who had taken seats in advance. Then, these old ladies dressed up nicely cut the line in front of me with the friendliest faces! My indignation burst out, so I asked them how they could be so sneaky when we all had just heard the mass with the Holy Communions. They apologized to me but didn’t bother to go back on the line. I was inwardly crying over the fact that these people disrespected me, and I fell to the pit of sorrow ever again.

    People say to love thyself to be loved, but that’s impossible because humans are, by nature, political animals, as Aristotle said. We don’t live alone and shape our perceptions of ourselves mostly from what others see us. It’s called a “Looking-Glassed Self,” a theory of sociology coined by Robert Cooley. Thus, I feel I was born in the wrong place under the wrong circumstances. Many claim they are ugly ducklings, swans among ducks, but I believe I am the one. Hercules’s Twelve Labors seems pale in comparison with my most demanding challenges in life.

  • prompt 64

    What makes you feel nostalgic

    Some say being nostalgic is a herald of reaching the age of Judge according to Shakespeare’s 7 Stages of Life. Still, I tend to feel nostalgic whenever I listen to the music I first heard and liked or watch the movies or shows popular in the era I grew up with.

    a scene from “Take On Me” by A-Ha. Image credit from Google

    Music is the food for moods and the excellent medium to pitchfork the listener to yesterdays and make them beautifully recollective. When I listen to my adolescent 80s pop music, the images and even the smells of the time creep into my mind and fill my eyes with the vistas of the memories unfolded like a film. The following songs are the instant time machine songs of the 80s: Take on Me” by A-ha, “Telefone” by Sheena Eastern, “Don’t Forget About Me” by Simple Minds, “Everybody Wants to Rule the World,” by Tears for Tears, and “The Reflex” by Duran Duran. When some people, especially those of the MZ Generation whom I am surrounded by at work, say they are ancient songs and ask about my age, I tell them there is no expiration date for the love of music by not testifying to my age. Instead, I feel sorry for the generation because they have no privilege of living two centuries in this digital age.

    Image Credit from Google

    For the 80’s movies and shows, I loved watching “McGyver” and “Knight Rider,” which I still watch on Apple TV whenever I feel like it. It’s so wonderful to travel back in one fell swoop through the media entertainment to the times when I was the merriest without having to worry about getting a job and caring for my elderly parents. My parents were young and beautiful, and my grandparents whom we lived with together in a house cared about me.

  • prompt 63

    What relationships have a positive impact on you?

    Little more than kin, and less than kind: Toro and Camille frm L to R

    Relationships are a web of connectivity that can be toxic or beneficial. Of my web of relationships, I treasure the ones connected to my team at work and my cats at home.

    My new team manager neither scolds me nor drives me to the highest level of stress, which is detrimental to my health, especially the neurological aspects. She gives me the autonomy to perform my tasks at my own pace and style, and I always get the jobs done on time or beforehand. Her liberal management style, blended with concise organizational skills and firm leadership, lets me utilize the best of me in performing my assignments efficiently.

    Also, my relationship with my cats Toro and Camille has provided me with emotional warmth and a sense of togetherness, which I find hard to receive from my fellow humans. Toro and Camille are transparent in expressing their emotions and unique in looking into my inner world. They know who I am and greet me when I return home as if they knew about my wrestling with the existential dilemmas and despair from working in the office packaged with favoritism, cliques, and discrimination. My cats are indeed little more than kin and less than kind.

    In conclusion, my relationships with the current team manager and my cats have felicitous effects on my continuous ebbs and flows of mood waves as kind nurses tell me that I am doing fine and will do fine.