Prompt 71

“If” is such a big word with such a short syllable. There’s even a book titled What If, packed with hypothetical answers to scientific questions. In my Book of Life, these are my what-ifs.

I could have continued to pursue a flight attendant career shortly after graduating from college. I once applied for a position with United Airlines in college. I made it to the open interview, where only two people were selected. I took it as a sign of not calling it a vocation, so I decided not to pursue my childhood dream. But my inborn wanderlust calls me to the vision of being a flight attendant working skybound, traveling, and meeting people worldwide.

I could have acted differently when my team manager told me last Thursday that she would soon leave the firm this month. She was one of a few commendable supervisors/managers I have worked with. She asked me if I could work with her at her new firm. Ecstatically, I said “Yes!” because I felt insecure about my future after her departure. Being a neurodivergent, I can thrive under a patient and understanding person. My current team manager is a neurotypical supervisor who lets me work independently and contribute to the best of my abilities. While I was grateful for her kind gesture of inviting me to join her at her new firm, I should not have expressed my acceptance forthwith lest I should burden her with the weight of responsibility carried to her new place. I could have acted professionally courteously and instead congratulated her on her new future, not giving her the impression of latching on to her.

There’s no use cryng over spilled milk, and I feel like the sorry milkmaid. Foolhardy maybe, foolish not. I could become more mature, now that I have reached the second stage of my life. But I don’t want to be harsh on myself for not being what my parents and brother and some people think I should be. Earth moves around Sun, and the Sun comes up from the east and goes down in the west. Not to acknowledge the nature of things is to ask for trouble. Likewise, I don’t want to pine for things I regret not having done or being the way I want, for life is too short to hold my what-ifs in the chapters of my life.